the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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