Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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