Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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