Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
