I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
