They should really pass out barf bags in church
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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