The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
