Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
