he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
