finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
