We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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