Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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