I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize