His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
