She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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