i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
