I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
