i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
