dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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