yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
