She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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