I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
