I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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