You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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