I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
