If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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