I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize