Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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