My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
