Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
