Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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