if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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