I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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