You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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