After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
