I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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