I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
