But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
