the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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