This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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