i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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