I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
