so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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