I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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