If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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