Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
