im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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