Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
ttyl tear gas
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Randomize
