two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
