When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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