Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
