We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
