i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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