peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
