Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
