Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
