i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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