I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
