I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
