Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
