At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think a kid would responsible me up
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize