I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Boobs are out for the taking
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
