The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
