There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
