And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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