Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
