U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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