Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
