no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
