Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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