I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
