If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
